- Do you guys like Jürgen Prochnow or not? I can't tell.
- We love him.
- Do you love him because you think he's a good actor or a bad one?
- He's a great actor. If you disagree, you now have 5 seconds to get off this website before your PC explodes.
- Why do you think he's a great actor?
- Watch the movies, starting with DAS BOOT. You'll find out. Or you can be lazy about it and just read "Why Jürgen?" and "The Best of Jürgen Prochnow," but if you don't watch any of his films after that, you and your kinfolk will be cursed for seven generations. We don't take kindly to people who ignore Jürgen after all the trouble he went to, making those movies for you. And just what have you done for HIM lately? You should be ashamed of yourself.
- If you love him, why do you make fun of him so much?
- Because we're playful little critters.
- Don't you have anything better to do?
- No.
- What about these reviews? Do you have information on ALL Jürgen Prochnow's movies?
- Oh, hell no. We're working on it. New reviews will be added to the website as events warrant. (Say, anybody out there got JACK THE DOG on video? That's at the top of our most-wanted list. We'll swap you a copy of TENTACLES and a used cat for it.)
- Oh, come on. This is all the work of one person, isn't it?
-
Nope, honest. There are 7 of us...or 10...or... well, it
depends on whether you include people who've never seen Jürgen Prochnow in
their lives but just love getting e-mails about him (DENISE). We can only
surmise that for them, the idea of Jürgen Prochnow has developed a magical,
mythical quality of such proportions that they dare not risk spoiling the
Great Dream by facing the reality of an actual movie. But a couple of them
have left instructions in their wills to have THE COP AND THE GIRL shown at
their funerals, which makes them okay joes by the rest of us. We'll be at
their funerals, anyway. We hope they come to ours too.
Also, one of the guys is on probation for liking Uma Thurman but the rest of us are working hard to bring him back from the dark side.
- Is that your favorite picture of Jürgen Prochnow on the home page?
- No, this one is:
...except you can see Patsy Kensit in there a little bit, and... aw, hell. Wait a minute...
Okay, NOW it's our favorite picture of Jürgen.
- What do I get if I join the fan club?
- Oh, the satisfaction of having the good taste to be a Jürgen Prochnow fan isn't enough for you? Just look at the pictures of him we put all over the place for you. Would it KILL you to thank us?
- Your lists of movies aren't alphabetized right.
- Yes they are. We used to work in a library, and if there's one thing we learned from that job it's that you don't alphabetize by articles - and DAS is a German article. We don't care how the video places arrange their merchandise. Our former boss could be looking at this website right now. If she caught us alphabetizing DAS BOOT by "das," she would find us and kill us. (Hey, Sue: olly-olly-otzenfree!)
- Your photo rollovers are irritating.
- Fun, aren't they? We like 'em too.
- Well, how come -
- Oh, hush up. Go read the "DUH" page and the reviews. Then go watch some movies.
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