Jürgen Prochnow Watchdog Society
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WHAT A DRAG

You thought there was gonna be a rigged photo of Jürgen in a dress, didn't you? My goodness, the thought never even crossed our minds!

A Perrineau Poem

There once was an armored bear
Who dared to come out of his lair
And eat Perrineau's
Little fingers and toes.
(It was so rude of him not to share!)

Subject: Myth or Legend?

It's not true that I do nothing in my spare time but watch Prochnow movies. Sometimes I try to watch other movies, like this evening when I was all bummed out about not having any new Prochnow movies to watch, and decided to check out the ROMEO AND JULIET with Leonardo Dicaprio and Claire Danes. Harold Perrineau is in it.

I like Harold Perrineau. That is the only reason I got ROMEO AND JULIET, because god knows I didn't want to see it on its own merits, if it had any.

Well, it doesn't have any. I set a new personal record by deciding a mere four minutes into the film that I did not want to watch any more of it than absolutely necessary, so I did what Rob accuses me of doing with every Prochnow film (I do not! only in emergencies) and fast-forwarded to find the "good" part.

I almost missed Perrineau's entrance because the scene was half over before I realized the sexy girl in the mini-skirt was him. Then I slowed it to normal speed and watched it (well, kind of; my eyes were almost open) until I was sure, and then I turned it off because...well, let's face it. Harold Perrineau isn't Jürgen Prochnow. If Prochnow showed up in drag, I would still be staring at the screen, utterly paralyzed, hours and hours after the movie ended. Prochnow in drag would be a rip-roaring good time. I can't imagine a more horrible prospect. I'd give him my Beetle if he'd appear on camera in a dress and lipstick.

Perrineau, I'm sorry, from what little I saw was WAY too good at it and I am too fragile to cope with this. I might let him do a drag act in a Whoopie Goldberg movie, but not in a Peter Sellars-wannabe Shakespearean nightmare. I DON'T THINK SO!

And this, kiddies, is why from now on I only watch Prochnow movies... and if you know what's good for you, you will too.

Remember, I am only trying to help you. Sweet dreams.

[I got an abusive reponse to the above from an unsympathetic party (ROB), accusing me of being sick or some such nonsense, which is patently ridiculous. If I were sick, I would have thought ROMEO AND JULIET was a good movie. If I were real sick, I would agree with Rob that Uma Thurman is pretty, and maybe even a good actress.

Later I received e-mails from Linda, one ending with the isolated phrase, "Jürgen in the PSYCHO shower scene, playing Janet Leigh," to which my response was "STOP THAT!" Then another arrived ending with the isolated phrase "Jürgen as Esther Williams, diving into a pool filled with mermaids," to which my reply was...]

STOP THAT!

I was merely trying to say that it wasn't the female impersonation that bothered me, it was Perrineau in particular doing it, in that particular movie. Rob responded to the whole thing as though I'd just announced a new life's ambition to see Jürgen dressed up as a go-go dancer, which is not the case. True, I did say I'd give Jürgen my car if he WOULD do it. But I dare you all to look me (or Jürgen) in the eye and claim that you wouldn't enjoy that the way you enjoy a cheesy slasher movie on Halloween night, only much, much more.

Okay, then.

If you are going to keep making Jürgen into Janet Leighs and Esther Williamses, at least CC Rob and deflect some of his accusing horror off of me and onto yourself.

Thank you very much.

[The response to my plea was, "Jürgen and Val [Kilmer] in the remake of WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE. (Jürgen in the Bette Davis role.)"

So I give up. All I can say is that if Jürgen Prochnow ever goes on camera in women's clothing I hope it's in a remake of BRINGING UP BABY with him in the Cary Grant role. I'd pay good money to see that! -ed.]

But as long as you put the idea in our heads...hey, it was good enough for Cary.

 

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