Jürgen Prochnow Watchdog Society

Home	Utter Garbage

HOW SKRIPT'S HAPPEN

It's not a mainframe...but we can dream, can't we?
The Database Crashes...
I WISH Jürgen would come run over this server with a car... If I see one more msg about the server not responding I will NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS DO YOU HEAR ME!!!

If Jürgen ran over all the computer equipment I WISH he'd run over, we'd be living in a new stone age... and we'd all be much happier.

Jürgen with a fire hose in front of the mainframe computer...

That was so beautiful I have tears of joy rolling down my face.

Yeah, Jürgen wet AND destroying computers...
'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished...

No, he'd get electrocuted... I admit I had to think about it a minute before I decided losing all the computers in the world wouldn't be worth losing Jürgen too, even though it would mean the demise of OUR server (ours first, please, Mr. Prochnow - we'll give you the IP address AND the weapon of your choice)... but tell you what. I'd settle for seeing him destroying computers, while wet, in a bad movie.

Ok, yeah, you got me there...
How about him cradling a shark while it's munching on the server?

They're trapped in a computer complex during a hurricane. Jürgen and Uma. The roof blows off, the rain pours in, they're both wet, she gets electrocuted TO DEATH and he gets a shock while destroying the computer, trying to save her. Not because she deserves it, he's just such a nice guy.
Anyway, he survives the shock but it mutates him into... EEL MAN... who taps into his superpowers by getting his hands wet and sticking his finger in a wall socket... though a good rousing thunder-lightning-and-rain-storm will also do the trick should he be too far removed from civilization. In a pinch he can also dive into any body of water where electric eels may be found and commune with them to activate his superpowers. Which would also provide a setting for a tender moment featuring a little lighthearted gamboling underwater - a must for a story like this, you'll agree.
After mulling this over I have decided that Leonardo Dicaprio will be Eel Man's arch-enemy, since the fabulous climax to this adventure should involve Jürgen frying the bejeezus out of Leo on the deck of a boat in the middle of the ocean during a frightful storm. I am just trying to make you happy with that one, but feel free to jump in and make changes.
That leaves the role of Eel Man's inept but loveable sidekick open for Keanu Reeves, who never does get hurt really badly but is clumsy enough to accidentally make contact with Eel Man and get the crap shocked out of him once in a while. Since he's a good guy and never gets killed, we can see this happen over and over.
Did I leave anything out?

You need Ingeborga as the mermaid whose unrequited love for Eel Man is torturing her.

You are too right... but can I stand to see her love for him unrequited... AGAIN?!

Oh, ok... she pulls him out of the mouth of a great white after he falls unconscious due to an extremely rough encounter with some overly-charged Panamanian Electric Eels... He finally sees that she's the merwoman for him, and they swim happily away to Bora-Bora.

HOME PAGE UTTER GARBAGE

This is a non-commercial website, and it is not officially sanctioned by anybody whomsoever. Photographs from copyrighted films are used without license under the fair use provision of the U.S. copyright law (we hope) for non-profit purposes only.
All original written material is copyrighted ©1999-2001 by Swine Flew Publications. All rights are reserved. If you like the writing that much, you can copy it, repost it, use it in your term paper, whatever. We don't care. But if you take credit for it or sell it, we're comin' to get ya.