Jürgen Prochnow Watchdog Society

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AT RANDOM

Wow, I understand it now....coooooooooool.
(And if you believe that, I have some Berliner Bottom-land to sell you...)

Ooh, ooh, Berliner Bottom-land? Is that out in the back forty? Is Jürgen out there shooting cows in the head, hugging a rifle and getting torched? I want it! Money is no object!

Yes, Berliner Bottom-Land is where Jürgen learned his craft. He plowed his little tractor over all sorts of farm animals. He stood out in the rain and watched the turkeys drown. He shot a few cows, grinning like a jack-o-lantern all the while. And he got very dirty and very wet rolling in the sty with his favorite pig, Uma.
It's sacred ground.

Didn't I read about a straight-to-TV movie with Jürgen in it going on TNT? Something with "winter" in the title?

Would that be "Winter Wonderland: Code of the Big Snow?"

AH, yes, that's it!
The heartwarming story of a German-Canadian cripple who, tired of all his inbred neighbors, burns the entire town down around their ears, while reciting the Code of the Big Snow.
I'M VERY CODE IN THE BIG SNOW.
MAH NOSE IS CODE AND RUNNY IN THE BIG SNOW.
KIN AH COME INSIDE? DUH BIG SNOW IS CODE!

And I was just thinking only yesterday about how innerestin' it is that Jürgen's never played a dumb guy that we know of. Characters with bad judgment, yes. Stoopid, no. I'd like to see him do the heartwarming story of a big ole dumb goober who makes friends with elves that no one else can see and, with their help, saves the Town Christmas Tree on yuletide eve.
What's your idea of a perfect Jürgen barf-o-rama?

The lead role of MARTY.
"What do you want to do tonight, Rudolf?"
"I dunno, what do you want to do tonight, Jürgen?"
" Dunno "

I would like to see Jürgen play a psycho vigilante killer of perpetrators of Spanish guitar music.

Quiet night of the stars,
Quiet chord of my guitar,
Floating on the silence that...eeerrrkkk!
(Jürgen behind the flamenco guitarist with a garrotte made out of the a-string)

Now I'm all cheered up.
It's making me think of musicians I would like to see Jürgen kill.
Vladimir Horowitz (if he wasn't already dead)
Rod Stewart
Barry Manilow
Oh Jürgen,
You came and you killed without mercy,
And I really deserved it, oh Jürgen...

More musicians I'd like to see Jürgen kill:
The Spice Girls
Any of the myriad "boy" groups (98 Degrees, N'Sync, Backstreet Boys...)
Those two old guys who sing "The Maquerena"
Jürgen films too excruciating to watch:
Jürgen in the Peter Lorre role in "M"...or even as Lorre's Ugatti in in CASABLANCA.
BOB AND CAROL AND JÜRGEN AND ALICE.
Phil Silvers and Jürgen in A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO DAS BOOT.
Yup, I can't think of a single comedy that I'd want to see Jürgen in.

Divine Justice category:
Jürgen wasting Celine Dion while she's in the middle of the theme song from TITANIC.
"I know that... my heart will... go-a-a-aaackk-kk!"
I always thought I'd like to see him do a comedy. Like, um... um... well, heck, I can see him doing Blackadder. No, really!
"MACBE-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-ETH!!!"

I would like to see Jürgen in a fight with The Blob. On a hot day, when The Blob is particularly moist.

Oooh, it is getting ugly down there.
Jürgen encased in lime jello...fighting off marauding marshmallows...mating with The Blob

> mating with The Blob
The marshmallows, or Jürgen?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how surprised are you that I asked?

2
(bwahahahahahaha!)

Oh, man, the marshmallow thing is funny... It's making me think of Jürgen as a PBS nature film narrator.
"The gazelle senses the cheetah's presence in the tall grass and leaps away. RUN!...RUUUUN!!!... Finally the cheetah trips the gazelle and sinks his teeth into its throat, cutting off its air supply. C'MON! HEAD-BUTT THAT DAMN CAT! KICK HIM IN THE GROIN! Scheiss, where's my pistol..."

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